I have a boyfriend: Why it’s no longer a good excuse

I recently read something that made me think about the way women present themselves and how we must look to our male counterparts.

If you’ve ever been approached at a bar or any other social gathering by a male that has immediately assumed you would be interested (and you’re not), how have you or how would you react?

What would your first reaction be? What would you say?

If you immediately think, “I have a boyfriend,” is a viable excuse to get the unwanted prick off your back, then you are doing yourself and all females a great disservice.

Not only is the phrase/excuse “I have a boyfriend/lover/husband/etc” tell the unwanted male seeking your attention that you need a man to get him to go away, it’s also letting him know that you need a man for him to respect you.

How is that normal? How has that become the norm?

To be honest, I used to think that saying I had a boyfriend would be a great excuse to get someone to go away, but now that I think about it, it sends the wrong message to men and women everywhere.

It says that women need a man in order to other men to respect her. When a woman says, “I have a boyfriend,” they are immediately giving power to male privilege.

It’s true that you could actually have a boyfriend that is busy getting you drinks or standing right next to you. It’s about the principle, though. Just like learning self-defense, it’s extremely important that women learn to defend themselves by saying “I’m not interested” instead of “I have a boyfriend.”

Women seem to have a hard to time being upfront about not being interested in a man. Based off of my own experience, I would say this is probably due to the fact that women want men to think they’re nice people as opposed to the “bitch” they’d immediately be labeled as if they were actually being honest about both their relationship status and their feelings.

Don’t be afraid of being the “bitch.” If that’s a man’s opinion of you after you’ve been honest and direct then it can only be his problem that he cannot accept the truth.

So, what can we do? Own it. Let’s be honest with these guys/girls. You’re not interested. Period. End of story; it’s not going to change in the next five seconds. 

I’ve met guys who automatically assume that if I’m not interested then there must be a reason for it, something that will explain why I’m not taken with them.

Here are three:

1. She has a boyfriend. (We’ve already established that I, in fact, do not. Still not interested.)

2. She’s a lesbian. (No, but I have friends that are lesbian, and will still let women who are interested in them know that they’re not interested.)

3. She’s a frigid bitch. (This one is extremely offensive, and the one that women fear they will be labeled as.)

Let’s talk about the “frigid bitch” label. Don’t be afraid of it, don’t even care about what the accuser thinks about you. Why would you care? You’re not interested in him in the first place, so there’s no reason to worry. Don’t even worry about him telling his friends, because if he’s like that, then there’s a big chance his friends will be exactly like him.

Never apologize. Persist in your acceptable explanation. Respect yourself.

 

I’m interested in knowing what men think about this subject. Comment below.

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Dealing with impending adulthood

As a 20-year-old college sophomore (I don’t use nouns because, like Britney Spears in the movie Crossroads, I am not a girl, not yet a woman) I’ve had a year to get accustomed to situations that come with being an adult. Without parental help. Through the last year, I’ve realized something grievously important: How does it make sense to let young people between the ages of 18 and 22 make life changing decisions about their future careers when they haven’t even lived a quarter of a century?

When I realized this problem, I also realized that I was the only one capable of letting society know that it could shove all of its expectations of getting a job by the time I’m 22 out the window. While I do hope to be offered a job by the time I graduate from my four year institution, I also don’t want to feel pressured into entering the workforce solely because it is something that is expected of me. I want to experience life first. Isn’t that what LIFE is about? LIVING?

I’ve had moments where I feel unhappy just thinking about how my time as a carefree student is ending. Does entering the world of adults mean I can’t plan to visit places like New Orleans with my friends? Does it mean I can’t wait impatiently for Bonnaroo or Coachella anymore? I still have dreams I want to accomplish. I don’t want to slowly leave them behind just because a 9 to 5 job is demanding my full attention?

The real problem about adulthood is that people eventually settle. Which is incredibly frustrating when you think about how your approaching that moment in your life where all you are worried about is a paycheck you can survive on. #thestruggleisreal

While it doesn’t make sense to ask someone in their early 20s what they want to do for the rest of their lives (because they haven’t lived life to the fullest yet), it’s great to be in our 20s because these are the only years were we can be completely self-centered.

Think about it. Once we get married and have kids, we can’t necessarily decide to pack up and take a road trip with friends. We have to see if we have money, time in our schedules, call a babysitter, see if it’s cool with the hubby, etc, etc. It’s almost impossible to have some down time for ourselves, period. So, be completely selfish while you can. Do whatever you want. Live life how you’ve always dreamed your 20s would be. Don’t settle until the majority of your dreams and goals have been accomplished, because once you stop and settle down, you’ll have less opportunity to see those dreams through.