The Difference Between Being Lonely And Being Alone

“There will be no other period of my life in which this kind of shameless self-centeredness is acceptable.”

Thought Catalog

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For years, I have wondered what makes boys so special that girls can sit and whine about them for hours on end. Girls check their phones ferociously in hopes that he’s responded with an emoji or even a response that is more than three words. That shows that he cares, they think.

I don’t mean to say that I am guilt-free. My relationships [and lack thereof] have played a huge role in my becoming who I am today. I have spent hours eating Ben & Jerry’s, watching The Notebook, texting boys, making profiles on okcupid and Tinder, yet all of this was to no avail. The heartbreak, the anger, the jealousy – all of these things have led me to the realization that I am resilient. I can take a lot more shit from men than I probably should ever have to.

And here I am, alone. In…

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I would rather…

…live life without a care for what people think about what I do.

For example, I really want to travel. I want to experience the world — even if it means I go by myself — just as long as I get to celebrate the experience of being somewhere new. I feel this incredible urge to just get up, leave and DO something. It’s hard because all of my instincts, everything that my mother instilled in me, is preventing me from doing that.

The older you get the more restrained you get. At first, it’s either your parents or societal obligations holding you back. As you grow older and gain more responsibility, though, I’ve learned that its the fear of the unknown that prevents you from pursuing dreams.

And that’s a problem when you’ve been a dreamer from birth.

Yet, I’ve realized that I cannot continue to live my life in fear of the unknown. Otherwise, what kind of life will I live? A boring one.

I have no idea what to write about…

And the worst part is that I think writing in a blog is kind of…cliche, for my generation at least. It seems everyone has a blog or wants to write a blog these days, and while it is something that has interested me, it’s always seemed like a lot of work. I can’t even write in my own journal, for pete’s sake! How am I supposed to manage and keep up with a blog? But, I guess it helps if no one’s reading it and there are no commitments like posting once every week, although that is something that I hope I can at least do.

So, topic of conversation today is roommates and why you can and can’t live with them.

Recently, I’ve been experiencing a change of heart when it comes to my roommates. This past year has been a year of drastic change and growth, something that I’ve had to get used to, and I’ve realized that while living with roommates can be good in terms of having company, it can also affect personal space on a more emotional level. Why emotional? Because everyone needs room, once in a while, to breathe. To just be. To think clearly without the clutter that constant company brings. I’ve never lived by myself, but it is something that I am constantly dreaming about, something I can’t wait to experience. I’ve heard so much about how people learn more about themselves when they live alone. Plus, there’s the perk of decorating your apartment exactly the way you want it without taking into consideration anyone else’s input. hehe.

The truth is, I’ve experienced many things this past year that have hastened my ascent into adulthood. I feel older than I did a year ago, and I’m struggling to get along with people that are not yet as mature as I am. Not to say that they are immature. They are still only 19 and 20 and as mature as you can be at that age. I just feel like I’m 25-years-old. I’ve lost what little interest I ever had in partying and drinking, I can’t help but steer clear of those two combinations.