I have a boyfriend: Why it’s no longer a good excuse

I recently read something that made me think about the way women present themselves and how we must look to our male counterparts.

If you’ve ever been approached at a bar or any other social gathering by a male that has immediately assumed you would be interested (and you’re not), how have you or how would you react?

What would your first reaction be? What would you say?

If you immediately think, “I have a boyfriend,” is a viable excuse to get the unwanted prick off your back, then you are doing yourself and all females a great disservice.

Not only is the phrase/excuse “I have a boyfriend/lover/husband/etc” tell the unwanted male seeking your attention that you need a man to get him to go away, it’s also letting him know that you need a man for him to respect you.

How is that normal? How has that become the norm?

To be honest, I used to think that saying I had a boyfriend would be a great excuse to get someone to go away, but now that I think about it, it sends the wrong message to men and women everywhere.

It says that women need a man in order to other men to respect her. When a woman says, “I have a boyfriend,” they are immediately giving power to male privilege.

It’s true that you could actually have a boyfriend that is busy getting you drinks or standing right next to you. It’s about the principle, though. Just like learning self-defense, it’s extremely important that women learn to defend themselves by saying “I’m not interested” instead of “I have a boyfriend.”

Women seem to have a hard to time being upfront about not being interested in a man. Based off of my own experience, I would say this is probably due to the fact that women want men to think they’re nice people as opposed to the “bitch” they’d immediately be labeled as if they were actually being honest about both their relationship status and their feelings.

Don’t be afraid of being the “bitch.” If that’s a man’s opinion of you after you’ve been honest and direct then it can only be his problem that he cannot accept the truth.

So, what can we do? Own it. Let’s be honest with these guys/girls. You’re not interested. Period. End of story; it’s not going to change in the next five seconds. 

I’ve met guys who automatically assume that if I’m not interested then there must be a reason for it, something that will explain why I’m not taken with them.

Here are three:

1. She has a boyfriend. (We’ve already established that I, in fact, do not. Still not interested.)

2. She’s a lesbian. (No, but I have friends that are lesbian, and will still let women who are interested in them know that they’re not interested.)

3. She’s a frigid bitch. (This one is extremely offensive, and the one that women fear they will be labeled as.)

Let’s talk about the “frigid bitch” label. Don’t be afraid of it, don’t even care about what the accuser thinks about you. Why would you care? You’re not interested in him in the first place, so there’s no reason to worry. Don’t even worry about him telling his friends, because if he’s like that, then there’s a big chance his friends will be exactly like him.

Never apologize. Persist in your acceptable explanation. Respect yourself.


I’m interested in knowing what men think about this subject. Comment below.



  1. Wow I never really thought of it that way. I am so sick of feeling like I have to come up with excuses to avoid attention from a dude that I simply am not interested in. And even when I do express my disinterst, they persistently continue demanding my attention. My stating that I am not interested in someone should be more than enough of a sign for him to discontinue pursuing me. I love this post, and your blog! Care to check out mine? downwiththenorm.wordpress.com

  2. Wow this was a really interesting post. I am a year too young to go to bars, but when I used to go to those teenage discos a couple of years ago guys used to come up to me and bother me for ages and I would have to use the fake boyfriend excuse to get them to leave me alone. Thinking back on it now after reading I realise how wrong that was. I should have stood up for myself rather than lie. I guess at the time I didn’t want to be mean to the poor guy. In future I think that telling the truth will be a much better option. Love this blog post its so thought provoking! 🙂


    • I completely understand. I used to go to those teenage discos (at my mother’s suggestion: she thought it’d keep me out of real bars) and encounter the same thing. I also remember feeling shy at telling them “No,” and being labeled something that was hurtful. It doesn’t change once you’re in college, unfortunately. I think, as time goes by, you’ll gain enough confidence in yourself, that you’ll start being honest with those guys, just as I did. Thanks for commenting!

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